The Dilemma of Mine.

My hands shiver,
The cold breeze leaves my hands numb,
Even though I am used to it, 
I can't pick up the gun,
It just doesn't feel right,
All my childhood I was taught against it,
I was taught about the ones who where against it,
And now I just stand and stare,
At the ground of battle ,
With both sides prepared with their arms,
Tears fill my eyes,
I wasn't prepared for it,
But this is what i had chosen,
To fight for my country,
I would have never believed,
That I would be a part of a revolutionary war,
And then the pictures of my mother,
Comes into my mind but it is blurred,
Because it's been while since I had seen her ,
And now I didn't even know what she looked like,
But then her voice booms into my head,
She said , "My child never be afraid of the future ."
But I guess it is never been like that in life,
What we are always afraid of, is our future,
And I think we should be,
The time has finally come,
That we raise our arms for our own good,
For our own future we have always been afraid of,
So, I bravely  pick up my gun,
And join the lines of my land,
And then at the crack of dawn,
All I can hear is people commanding each other,
To fire and kill each other with out any mercy,
After a long time the battle ends,
And all I can see through my watery eyes,
Is people crying for each other,
And the smell of  blood,
Joins with us in the victory celebration,
And then I realize that I shot people,
I didn't even know,
I had spoiled their families,
And I didn't even have a count of how many I had killed,
I throw myself to the ground,
Because I know that I am myself a evil within me,
And I ,myself will be the cause of my nightmares.